I am the Self

Down when the shadows of doubt cloud my sulky being, I look at the infinity pool thinking it’s the Arabian ocean. It is at that very moment truth reveals itself in surrogacy and life itself seems on precipice. I try to realise my innermost feelings and my earthly presence. I realise I am a part of my physical self, the solid, well-defined presence that can be neglected but not denied. This part of my being becomes like a ship to sail through the material world; as a temple to house a greater truth lurking within.

Body is a part of existence endowed with ego, whereas sub-conscious and super-conscious minds are dreams, knowledge. The body is all-seeking matrix of beta cells producing insulin, making us bittersweet. 

My physical realm is like a super-sensitive presence, much like the moon — full of vitality and life-force energy. The body in itself can make heaven of hell, hell of heaven. It often symbolises a rhythmic, familiar litany of expressive appearances. It seems to represent the psycho-emotional cadence of generations. It has strong emotional attachment to my parents, ancestors, power of movement and Martian energy. It seeks constant movement, physical vitality and a unique identity.

And yet when I peer deeper into the truth, I realise that there is a greater person at the core. I understand that part of me is beyond time, space and objects. It is intangible, infinite and giver of absolute happiness. It does not know any sorrow. It is as knowledgeable as god and all pervading. Only when I can connect with this greater presence I feel most alive. In claiming ownership of my free soul, I live my truth. The greatest tragedy in life is rejection of this grand person within us.

So I have realised — I may not be anybody. I may not even be successful when measured by human yardsticks. I may be a recluse, a fool and a ideal dreamer. But I am much more than all that. I am the Self.

Meghna Maiti