Coming to myself in solitary confinement

Coming to myself in solitary confinement

 As the clinking of vessels slowed to a soft din and the steady flow of water running from the tap turned into soapy, lathery foam around the half-washed dishes, I stood next to the wash basin in the kitchen wearing my leathery gloves and shifted my gaze to the road outside the window, strangely quiet apart from the harsh sunlight of the afternoon sun of mid-March. The aroma from the chicken broth placed on the gas oven filled the air with a familiar aroma of a peaceful holiday at home, the one that was so dear to me. It was just that this time all was not that peaceful, not that quiet either. It was more like a taste of redemption before an impending gloom. It was like a lull before an apocalypse.

It all starts in the morning everyday with a steady flow of news on the newspapers and online publications when I sip my morning lopchu tea. As much as I think of cutting myself away from all the chaos and clamour of the world concerning this great monster in the form of a virus, I can’t resist the urge of knowing, being aware of the reality around me. The words of the soothsayers and friends who do not foresee any negative eventuality in the new future too fail to quieten my frayed nerves. Then there are of course news about daily wage labourers or the delivery guys who are almost on the brink of starvation, which leave me with a strange pain in the pit of my stomach. And this pain does not go away even with my numerous effort to prepare dainty dishes for myself. And then I turn my attention to housework which is almost carried on over the day like a quiet ritual. Thanks to the cook and maid, who has been asked to stay away from the house for at least a week, I have learnt to channelise my energies into small chores like sweeping the floor, swabbing, cleaning the toilet, putting the clothes in washing machine, making the bed and doing the dishes. I have been consciously trying not to think and just carry on with whatever work in a robotic manner. I have managed to reduce myself to a point of great insignificance.

Though confinement is not new to me, I have spent almost the last two decades of my life alone, barring college years when I had roommates, who I could always not count on. Yet in none of those years I have sensed any global uncertainty of this magnitude that was capable of making the world topsy turvy. Nor have I seen powerful human beings across the world so vulnerable to chance and circumstances beyond their control. Though I have surely read in books but I haven’t experienced such instances of kindness and solidarity where the institutions and government are actually putting in effort to break a death chain. Every such act is making me realize about my own insignificance in the greater scheme of things.

And so I keep cooking, stirring, chopping, grinding until I can’t hear my voice no more . The chopped vegetables, fish, prawns, meat sometimes seem like amorphous agents trying to give shape to something sensuous, savoury, wholesome that would take the mind away from the harshness outside and take me to a different space and time. It’s the same with streaming sites such as Netflix or Amazon Prime whose content often brings with it different voices with different issues.

It's in this constant attempt to instil in myself a monk-like quietness and grounded-ness and on the other hand the urge to escape from all of this into the land of senses and colour, I oscillate. In doing this, I feel I have reached a balance that would help me tide over this crisis and help me cross the threshold into a more evolved space.

ENDS

No man is an island

No man is an island

By now there must be a sense of fatigue on everyone's mind when it comes to the issue of coronavirus. After all, it's there in the air, in every nook and corner, all across the earth, like a very sinister presence. Yet, from a very personal point of view, when I look at Mumbai, the city I live in, I can't help but wonder at the casual or lackadaisical attitude of the citizens here. While of course by this I don't include everyone but the majority, the people who are either raised here or the immigrants who have well imbibed the changing values and norms of this global city.

In my conversations with people here about the Covid-19 or coronavirus, they have mostly laughed it off, calling it just a passing flu that kills only one per cent of the population, an issue that the media and the government was just blowing out of proportion to create a sense of panic among the citizens. According to them, there was absolutely no need to follow the media or stop living our normal lives. They called it a rage created by the super-sanitised culture of the rich countries like China, the US or Italy. There was no need for social distancing either. Incidentally, outside on the roads and restaurants too, people were seen gathered in numbers, walking around, sitting around tables, carousing over mugs of beer, leading their normal lives, in a lot of places.

Meanwhile the Maharashtra (the worst-hit state in India so far) state government announced closure of all malls, gyms, pools, cinema theatres and all places where people mill in numbers. Citizens have also been advised to stay put in their homes and maintain 'social distancing' for the good of everyone. Over the weekend, there was yet another announcement on Section 144 being imposed by the Mumbai police on people who would be seen travelling in groups either to a domestic or foreign destination.

Hyper-individualism

While Mumbai spirit is well-known and well-revered across the country, the increasing culture of individualism is affecting everyone. The neighbours don't want to know each other and people feel unwelcome in other people's houses. They do not want to invest time in cultivating connections or meaningful relationships. Within their own families too they are seen not be connected with each other. Even when they are cooped up in their own small spaces in the city, they prefer spending their leisure hours munching popcorn and binge-watching netflix, amazon prime. During this time, the interruption from a neighbour or a surprise visit from a relative is clearly annoying for them. Also, the increasing work hours and long commute leave them with little time for anything else. And they don't see the value in social relationships. Hence, the outcome is lack of value for a collective existence. Faced with any sort of crisis, they feel the fight is their own only, the consequences too their own. 

The fallout of hyper-individualism is always destruction, depression, anxiety, insecurity which the people have clearly managed to mask with their decent paycheques and personal goals. Though even when they themselves fall sick they are at the mercy of doctors, nurses, family people- all the interconnected resources. They strongly feel that interconnection is passe and the most evolved mode of survival is individualism.

Clearly then, a sight of people dying in China or Italy on TV, is still sheer entertainment for them. It doesn't move them or bother them since it's not their business. Social distancing too does not matter to them because they feel strong enough to endure this and how this would impact others is not their concern either. Also, in a country of 1.2 billion citizens where people are dying every other day due to malnutrition or poverty, the wiping out of a part of the population will only save resources, help them to live better.

Move towards creation

I feel the sooner we start realising the value of collective existence or interconnectedness, we will be able to get out of the trap of death, disease and destruction. Even when we are living away from our families, in bigger metro cities in our country or in megapolises overseas, we will feel less burdened by our own issues. Also, even when we are leading our lives in small spaces, we will feel less alienated or lonelier. Hence, when we are putting our foot down to maintain social distance during such crisis hour, we are actually caring for people around us. I do not mean to sound preachy but with this mindset, we will move towards more love, light and healing. 

ENDS